Wednesday, April 21, 2010
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Are soulmates reality? Or torture machines?
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This question having been lurking on my mind recently, repeatedly testing me whether do I really want to look for a girlfriend now? Or should I just bide my time for the right one? Well I myself for one, have not been able to give a definite answer as well.
Well it's the second day of my second semester in np's Business studies and I'm trying utterly hard to get over those late nights and those ciggs I've been smoking rapidly everyday, it's like somehow I'm fighting a mini civil war inside my conscience, thus resulting in me feeling jaded, or maybe it's just due to the fact that my twin's having a terrible headache the entire day, yeap that's right I have a twin HAHA!
Well I definitely agree with Gav and the others when they say that this year's batch of girls are definitely much better looking than my own, and my lecture halls are filled with pretty ladies haha. Even though I must say, how pleased my eyes were to feast on the magnificient sight every lecture that I might attend in the future, there is no questioning that I miss my beloved TB25, those 6 months were absolutely fantastic, I can't explain that horrible feeling whenever I turn around and don't see Zack, Jason. Or when I turn my back, when I don't see Clifford, jj nor Lik zhing, and definitely I miss Sze li's laughter in every single day of my Poly term. Not to mention my twin's "HI" or Jerry calling me Big brother, I definitely miss BOSS and Erica as well! I especially miss those times we had at Jia Xin's house having steamboat. This 6 months for sure, I will never forget. It's kinda weird how 6 months ago before I met you guys, I would know that I do not need any friends, but now that I don't have you guys I feel horrible. I'm very thankful towards God for all of you guys especially after every single one of you tell me to cheer up and that my new classmates may not be that bad. But deep down, I know better that no matter how great my new classmates will be? They will never ever be able to replace you guys in my heart.
I guess the only time I will ever get to see you guys again, is during every week's Styleogy or when I crash your lectures, in which I did today, just the sight of all of you made me such an emotional wreck, just like when I sat beside Boss, and looked over my shoulders to see my previous sitting place, right beside Zack, it kinda broke my heart that I may never have a chance relive those memories again, even though I would see you guys in 6 months time again, I know for sure, it'll never be the same.
Enough for emotional talk, my heart's kinda aching while my fingers ramble on and on, rushing to convey the endless stream of thoughts flowing through my head. Well back to this year's freshies again! My class alone is filled with girls who are above average which of course once again makes me rethink whether I should go after one of them or not, that is IF we do get along since looks isn't everything. Then again, the fear of rejection, as much as I hate t admit it, I am afraid of rejection, I mean then again, who isn't? It's only human to do so. And not to mention, the pain of wooing a lady, ugh that is THE part I hate the most?! And everything just seems worst as the last time I actually went for a girl, was 4 years ago, within that 4 years all the girls came after me! I hope you, the reader don't feel that I'm bragging and all, cause if you do, I do not have the intention to make you feel that way. Well even if I did get the girl, I'd to worry about maintaining the relationship and the sacrifices I have to make to keep the relationship going.
Anyways to close it off, I know it's absolutely a pain in the ass to read my horribly long posts but just so you know, those are my thoughts and feelings that you are reading. And for one I am thankful to God for all my close friends that have always been giving me strength, I am also thankful to God for the entire TB25 especially, Boss, Twin, Clifford, jj, Lik Zhing, Jason and Zack.
So, are soulmates reality? Or torture machines? I don't know, you tell me. Till next time,
Julian:)
1:19 AM
