Thursday, April 22, 2010
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Do all ladies take that long to move on? Or is it just those that I know of?
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After living on this earth for just about 18 years this coming October, I find myself asking myself this exact same question every single time I console a lady friend after a break up. Do all Ladies take that long to move on?! Or is it just all those that I know of?
Well many people describe women as emotional, sentimental etc, but everytime I reflect upon my very own being, I find the words emotional, sentimental, sweet etc popping up in my head. Or maybe it's just the very distinct line that differentiate men and women. But the way I see it, since I kinda grew up learning from a ladies' point of view, I should at least understand how they feel. But somehow, I don't understand how can someone take so long to even get over someone. Is it just due to the fact that I am a down-to-earth, realistic person? Or am I just a cold blooded son of a bitch which I definitely am not. Okay maybe being extremely realistic and calm-minded is one of the best characteristics God has ever given me, and for that, I am truly grateful.
Yes I do admit that after the previous relationship, even though it was a few months, it took me a painstaking eight months to get over, but within that eight months, I find myself not thinking about her, even though deep down in my heart I know I like her. Whenever I look at myself, I do sometimes ask myself why do people even think about their previous relationship when they no longer has feelings for their past interest?
Every night I find myself questioning myself while staring at the wide array of stars, am I that different from the other guys that people just label as jerks? Not that I dislike being labelled by most of my lady friends that I am an almost extinct breed of guys, but should I feel proud about it?
Watching Sex and the city every night has definitely put many more unanswered questions into my head, and it kind of made me realise that many of my lady friends have actually moved on by having another guy love them, or for them to date other guys. Is this how the human society works? Or is it just my wishful thinking? Well as much as I would love to answer my own questions, I have come to realise that the only way I would ever ever answer those questions I have pose to myself, is that if I experience it for myself.
So once again, do all ladies take that long to move on? Or is it just those that I know of? Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's nevertheless comforting I must say to know the ones you love are always in your heart.
3:24 AM
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
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Are soulmates reality? Or torture machines?
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This question having been lurking on my mind recently, repeatedly testing me whether do I really want to look for a girlfriend now? Or should I just bide my time for the right one? Well I myself for one, have not been able to give a definite answer as well.
Well it's the second day of my second semester in np's Business studies and I'm trying utterly hard to get over those late nights and those ciggs I've been smoking rapidly everyday, it's like somehow I'm fighting a mini civil war inside my conscience, thus resulting in me feeling jaded, or maybe it's just due to the fact that my twin's having a terrible headache the entire day, yeap that's right I have a twin HAHA!
Well I definitely agree with Gav and the others when they say that this year's batch of girls are definitely much better looking than my own, and my lecture halls are filled with pretty ladies haha. Even though I must say, how pleased my eyes were to feast on the magnificient sight every lecture that I might attend in the future, there is no questioning that I miss my beloved TB25, those 6 months were absolutely fantastic, I can't explain that horrible feeling whenever I turn around and don't see Zack, Jason. Or when I turn my back, when I don't see Clifford, jj nor Lik zhing, and definitely I miss Sze li's laughter in every single day of my Poly term. Not to mention my twin's "HI" or Jerry calling me Big brother, I definitely miss BOSS and Erica as well! I especially miss those times we had at Jia Xin's house having steamboat. This 6 months for sure, I will never forget. It's kinda weird how 6 months ago before I met you guys, I would know that I do not need any friends, but now that I don't have you guys I feel horrible. I'm very thankful towards God for all of you guys especially after every single one of you tell me to cheer up and that my new classmates may not be that bad. But deep down, I know better that no matter how great my new classmates will be? They will never ever be able to replace you guys in my heart.
I guess the only time I will ever get to see you guys again, is during every week's Styleogy or when I crash your lectures, in which I did today, just the sight of all of you made me such an emotional wreck, just like when I sat beside Boss, and looked over my shoulders to see my previous sitting place, right beside Zack, it kinda broke my heart that I may never have a chance relive those memories again, even though I would see you guys in 6 months time again, I know for sure, it'll never be the same.
Enough for emotional talk, my heart's kinda aching while my fingers ramble on and on, rushing to convey the endless stream of thoughts flowing through my head. Well back to this year's freshies again! My class alone is filled with girls who are above average which of course once again makes me rethink whether I should go after one of them or not, that is IF we do get along since looks isn't everything. Then again, the fear of rejection, as much as I hate t admit it, I am afraid of rejection, I mean then again, who isn't? It's only human to do so. And not to mention, the pain of wooing a lady, ugh that is THE part I hate the most?! And everything just seems worst as the last time I actually went for a girl, was 4 years ago, within that 4 years all the girls came after me! I hope you, the reader don't feel that I'm bragging and all, cause if you do, I do not have the intention to make you feel that way. Well even if I did get the girl, I'd to worry about maintaining the relationship and the sacrifices I have to make to keep the relationship going.
Anyways to close it off, I know it's absolutely a pain in the ass to read my horribly long posts but just so you know, those are my thoughts and feelings that you are reading. And for one I am thankful to God for all my close friends that have always been giving me strength, I am also thankful to God for the entire TB25 especially, Boss, Twin, Clifford, jj, Lik Zhing, Jason and Zack.
So, are soulmates reality? Or torture machines? I don't know, you tell me. Till next time,
Julian:)
1:19 AM
Monday, April 12, 2010
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Lately,
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Lately I've been doing a lot of reviewing on my life and my future, especially after this horrendously long vacation that I'm having, school's about to start, and thus, my social life shall end nevertheless.
So the question on everyone's mind should be, what the shit have you been doing lately?
Well I've been out very late and coming home close to 6 am every night. As much as I love this part of the holidays, I hate it just as much, cause it has to stop and it's fucking my body clock up badly. I guess I've been watching a lot of dramas especially Sex and the City. Okay I do sound gay, but it's one hell of an awesome show, I have no idea why didn't I appreciate it before?
Well one thing's for sure if it ain't for this show, I wouldn't have spent many countless nights reviewing my life and all the mistakes I have committed in the past. And recently I got to know this wonderful lass, I won't reveal her name for the time being but, it's those kind of girls that would appear in your life once in a while and getting you all interested in her after you have just sort of gave up the hope of ever meeting the right one. But unfortunately for me? I doubt she is as interested in me as I am in her, well what can I say? It happens all the time, sometimes I just wish that I do not need to go to national service so I can fly to new york and study and move there for good, instead of staying in this shithole called Singapore.
One last thing, I have just came across this wonderful quote by one of my all-time favourite actors, Antonio Banderas, and it goes like this: "I don't want anything I don't deserve, but if they offer me more money, I'm not stupid." When I read this quote I sort of felt enlightened that my life was never that bad at all, in fact I could be more than what I am now, but I didn't choose to be aggressive. Well I guess I'm gonna sign off and start staring at these walls again since I have to set everything right just before a new semester starts.
12:55 AM
